Than having your confidence stripped away by a well intentioned family member. You realize that they mean well, and they care about you. But you also realize that the words they’re saying hurt you really deeply, and you suddenly don’t feel as good about yourself as you did before. You know you shouldn’t be getting upset at them: you know they mean well, and you know they love you. But sometimes the way they try to express their love just….it doesn’t come across very well.
Tonight’s example: It’s Easter tomorrow, and being Orthodox Christian, that means there’s a special service tonight. It’s a holiday service, so people DO go a little above and beyond the usual in terms of their appearances. For me, generally that means straightening my hair, putting on makeup (which I NEVER do), and putting on a nice dress. The problem of that is, today I’m running a bit late. I don’t get to attend church often, since I live 2 hours or so away from the nearest Orthodox church, so I miss attending services. My faith means a lot to me, so I wanted to attend the entire service from beginning to end. However, in order to do that, I realized that straightening my hair wasn’t an option: the process takes up to 3.5 hours for me, since my hair is naturally SO curly, and it’s extremely thick. I figured, no problem; I’ll just style my natural curls and do something simple so I still look presentable, but I’ll make it to church in time to attend the entire service.
My parents, however, saw it differently. They felt that it was really important for me to put in that extra effort and that in the long run, putting in effort like that would affect how people view me, particularly members of the opposite sex. And that’s where the beat down to my confidence comes into play. Up until a couple of hours ago, I honestly felt really good about myself. I’d FINALLY embraced and grown to love my big old curly hair, and hell, even the extra few pounds I’ve got here and there weren’t bothering me.
But having them mention my chances with guys….ouch. I’m 23, about to be 24. Never been on a date. Never had a boyfriend (obviously). And while I’ve had a few opportunities, I used to wonder. If I looked more like some of my thinner, straighter haired friends, would I have had more opportunities? Would at least ONE of them have been with someone I actually WANTED to go out with? Lately, I’ve managed to shrug those thoughts off and just love being me. But that comment brought that all down in a hurry. I know they didn’t mean it that way. And I know they didn’t mean to tell me I’m not good enough as I am. But that’s how it came across to me, and that hurt.
Not only because it was being said, but because it was being said by my own PARENTS. These were the LAST people I expected to hear that from. And honestly, it’s not like that thought of “what happens if I never find someone who wants me, that I want too, and I end up alone?” hasn’t crossed my mind…..about a million times a week. So to have them even MENTION that….it was a pretty serious blow. The words were empty, and I know it. I know my parents think I’m the best thing since sliced bread. But hearing those words, empty though they may have been, dug up some old insecurities I thought I’d buried down deep enough to where they wouldn’t be coming back to haunt me.
And I understand that a HUGE part of the problem is the fact that they grew up in Egypt. Everything there is SO different, and that’s all they know. They don’t realize the effects their words can have because where they grew up, these things weren’t considered hurtful. They’re not so good at the whole “nurturing” side of things out there…it’s a lot more direct. And, since that’s the way it is and the kids don’t know any different, the kids aren’t really phased by it. But growing up here, and being so Americanized that I can hardly really call myself Egyptian… These things aren’t exactly easy for me.
So now I’m sitting here picking myself apart. Am I really too lazy with my appearance? Do I give off the impression that I just don’t care? AM I undesirable? I know it’s stupid, but those are the thoughts running through my head. Two days ago, I was LOVING my big crazy curly hair, and I had curves that were pretty awesome too, even if some of them are a little chubs. Now….well now I’m about to straighten my hair and I need to join a gym. I know this is quite temporary, and I know this is NOT the effect my parents meant to have. I just wish they’d be a little more careful about their word choice, and how they express themselves. I understand that they mean well. I understand that they want me to be impressive. I understand that they want me to be happy, and most of all I understand that they really do think I’m beautiful. But none of that made any difference: they said the words they said, and those words had a negative impact on me.
Moral of the story: be careful the words you choose to express yourself. Because no matter how positive your actual point is, or how well intentioned you are, the wrong words can cause a world of hurt and take away any and all positivity that could be gleaned from what you have to say.
I HAVE AWOKEN
I swear to god this is the thing pascel does in rapunzel
hahahah, this is adorable!
Cutest thing ever
The most precious thing ive reblogged in a long time
Sooo THAT girl is covered hahaha
princesskaiju asked: A tiny fluffy dog with a pink tongue, a bumper sticker in the shape of a tramp stamp, a history textbook with BIBLE scribbled across the front in permanent marker, a screenshot of cute nail art and a coupon for unlimited free hugs
Oh my gosh I can’t even say how much I love this response <3 Particularly my “Bible” hahaha
Your move, followers. What items do you use to bring me forth?
Why is this so freaking funny?
Some people just know how to do birthday cards.
birthday cards against humanity
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